The Big 3!

Today was Colt's third birthday! He is turning into such a fine man.




At three years old he loves to help, especially his Papa Bill. He is fascinated with any kind of tool and can name and use them almost all correctly. He can tell you how to spell s-t-o-p and loves to tell me to push the gas petal. I have a feeling this is a sign of things to come. haha.




Colt loves for me and Grace to read stories to him and he now tells stories as well. They usually start with, "I teld you, once on a time...." Tonight he told me how he worked at Conoco and the lights went out, so he had to use a flashlight. He "teld" me all about it. lol.




He loves Woody from Toy Story and could drink Apple juice by the gallon. He always watches out for Grace as much as she does for him. He would rather be naked then ever have clothes on and is fascinated with peeing outside. Anywhere outside....




He is beginning to understand what prayer is and who Jesus is. He has me call Drue, his best friend and Sunday school teacher, to "Dear Jesus" for him, whenever he gets hurt.




He still loves to give tight hugs and sit on my lap, but pushes me away when he is attempting something new and often a little dangerous. He loves music. The drums and guitar are his favorites.




He can't wait to play real sports like his sister. He practices baseball, football, and soccer all of the time. He loves watching the news and the stalk market with his Papa. He can have more fun with a role of tinfoil and tape than any toy.




All of these things and it's still only the smallest little glimpse into who Colt is. He has so much personality and charm; so many different aspects that make him who he is. I delight is seeing him grow into the man God has created him to be. I love this sweet man child more than I ever could express. He and Grace give me more hope and strength then they will probably ever know. How blessed I am to be his mama!

Purpose

I've been off work the last couple of days because of a knee injury. It has been nice to get caught up on some things, but at the same time it's been hard. It makes me slow down, which gives my mind time to wonder. I find myself thinking of all the what if and what should have been. It makes me sad and angry. My emotions feel like they are a total free for all. I found myself sitting in my kitchen just letting my thoughts run free. (This is a very dangerous thing for me.) As I sat there, I noticed my first "real" Bible on the shelf by the fireplace. It was the first grown up Bible I ever purchased. I got it the summer I was 15. It's a King James Rainbow study Bible. I so loved that Bible. I've since become slightly addicted to purchasing and collecting Bibles, but this one will always hold a special place in my heart. I took it off the shelf and began to become reacquainted with it. There on the front is my name in gold. My maiden name. I forget that I was ever a person before Ben, but I was.

Inside are notes from some of my best girlfriends in my teenage years. Most I never talk to anymore. My favorite Bible verse is written in the front. Isaiah 55:4-5,12. With the date 4/5/97. That's the night my heart knew my life had a greater purpose than just living the day to day routine. Somewhere over the years the calling I felt on my life that night got pushed into the background; ignored, but never truly forgotten.

Next I find some Bible notes, both mine and Ben's. They are from a troubled time in our marriage a few years back. Suddenly I remember those days. The feelings of fear, sorrow, anger sweep over me once again.

Then there is a piece of notebook paper. A letter to me, from Ben. It isn't dated, but I'm thinking it's from early in our marriage. The words in it are sweet. Honest. They make me question how much of this is my fault. Maybe if I had been different... They leave me feeling empty and sorrowful.

Lastly is another note from Ben. One side is a "Life Brightener." It has Jeremiah 29:11 written on it. At the bottom it says this, "God knows what's best for us, even when we don't understand all that's going on in our lives. Let's join God on this adventure and see where His plans lead us!" I feel God speak into my heart. There is still a plan for me. He still has a purpose for my life; for my story. There may not be an "us", but there is still the God. That never has and never will change. The question now is, do I trust Him? Will I put my full and complete life into His hands? Do I want to know the plans He has for me? Will I trust Him to fulfill His purpose in my life?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

For Real

Grace, Colt, and Madelyn are playing out back right now. It's a beautiful spring day. The windows are open and along with the breeze blows in their playful conversations. I hear Colt, "Oh Princess, I don't really like this." I then hear Grace answer, "You aren't suppose to eat it for real!" Hmmmmmm.....Now the mommy question of the moment, do I "for real" want to know what the Princess is serving??? Ya, probably not. =)~

Seven Months

Wow, where to even start. It’s been 7 months since I last posted on here. What a 7 months it’s been. My entire world has been rocked to its very core, flipped upside down, and felt at times as though it would shatter into a million little pieces, but you know what? I’m still standing. I’m different than I was before, 7 months ago, but I’m still here.

As to what was going on these past 7 months, I will say this, Ben and I are now divorced. It was by absolutely no means my choice for our family. It is not what I wanted; it’s not what I believe God had planned for us.

What I won’t say, is the he said, she said. These postings are not here for me to air out the sordid details of a painful heartbreak, but I would like to offer enough honesty that someone who may be going through a similar situation can relate and hopefully not feel quite as alone.

At the same time, my primary reason for even doing this was and still is, to record the precious day to day memories of our family. Our family looks a little different than it did 7 months ago, but you know what? We are still a family and there are plenty of memories to still be made.

So here we go….The (new) Days of the Dukes!